Why I Don't Lend Money: A Guide to Seeking Financial Support
Why I Don't Lend Money: A Guide to Seeking Financial Support
I maintain a clear stance on lending money: I don't do it. Whether you're in the U.S. or abroad, understanding this principle—and the reasoning behind it—can help you approach financial assistance more effectively.
Strategic Giving: The Quarterly Approach
My family plans all philanthropic efforts quarterly, not spontaneously. Following Dave Ramsey's wisdom, we believe in disciplined financial planning that creates meaningful impact. This structured approach means random requests, regardless of merit, rarely fit our giving strategy.
Breaking the Cycle of Learned Helplessness
It's particularly concerning to see capable adults, especially men, fall into patterns of professional begging. This learned helplessness—the belief that one is powerless to change their circumstances—becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. By constantly seeking handouts rather than opportunities, these individuals rob themselves of the dignity and satisfaction that comes from self-reliance and achievement. Real growth begins when you stop viewing others as your financial safety net.
Beyond Simple Requests: The Need for Vision
Consider this: In a family with over 100 cousins, numerous siblings, and extended relatives, everyone could present valid reasons for financial help. What makes your request stand out? The answer lies not in emotional appeals but in presenting value.
Rather than asking for money, consider presenting a business plan. As a capitalist, I'm interested in ventures that create value and opportunities. Show me how your request isn't just about immediate needs but about building something sustainable.
Why Lending Creates Problems
Money lending often breeds dependency and can damage relationships. Even when repaid, it fundamentally changes dynamics between people. Instead, I focus on investment opportunities—whether the returns are financial, social, or emotional—that build sustainable solutions.
The Right Way to Seek Support
Approach financial discussions like you're pitching to an investor:
- Present a clear, actionable plan
- Demonstrate transparency about your situation
- Highlight your unique value proposition and track record
- Show respect for the other person's priorities and constraints
What to Avoid
- Entitled attitudes or assumptions about deserving help
- Emotional manipulation or guilt-based appeals
- Unprepared or poorly articulated requests
- The habit of seeking handouts instead of opportunities
Building Partnerships, Not Dependencies
Success in securing financial support comes from positioning yourself as a reliable partner, not just a recipient. Focus on creating value and proving your worth through preparation and respect.
Final Thoughts
My family believes in strategic contribution, whether through philanthropy or investment. Remember: the world doesn't owe anyone assistance. Your success in securing support depends on proving your worth through preparation, respect, and a clear vision for success—not through entitlement or emotional appeals. Break free from learned helplessness and start building something meaningful.